My story.

I figured for my second post, I'd say a little bit about myself. I was born at UT Hospital in Knoxville, Tennessee on August 28, 1989. I was a preemie, and as such, I was born without completely functioning lungs, which still affects me to this day. I have two brothers, well, one brother and one half-brother who I still count as a full brother. I still have both of my parents, one working, the other disabled and cannot work.

As a young boy, I was always fascinated with animals. I'd draw them for hours on end at school, when I had my assignments finished. I was introduced to video-games at my grandfather's coin-operated laundromat with the game Ms. Pacman. For the brief first time that my older brother lived with us, he brought along his NES, which we all played for hours on end. At school, my love of video games helped me make my first friends.

From early on, I could tell that I was different in a lot of ways from my friends. Many of them were out-going and into sports, while I was shy and preferred staying inside. My friends had families that were more well-off than mine, which became a constant source of embarrassment for myself, when I couldn't have many of the things my friends had. I learned to lie rather well early on because of this. I lied about having things I did not. I lied for the sake of making myself fit in. I lied because I thought I had to.

As I progressed through school, I found that I actually paid attention in class, while most of the others never thought of doing so. I made rather good grades comparatively because of this. Science, English, and History were my particular favorites. Eventually my friends talked me into playing card games instead of doing extra-curricular activities, which I believe now to be a great mistake. Not that I didn't love to play those games, but it made me feel guilty to neglect my education.

Around seventh-grade, I had an appendectomy for an appendix that would have killed me had I been much later. Due to the severity of the problem, I have a rather large, ugly scar across my abdomen. I believe this was the first point at which I developed an image problem. Because of this and the sedentary life-style I had adopted in recovery, I began to gain a large amount of weight, leading further into what would eventually become an eating disorder.

I found that my former best-friend in school was not such great material for a best friend after awhile of ignoring me in conversations and being talked about behind my back. I quickly lost most respect for him, but our friendship would not end until later, when I finally started gaining my own thoughts and opinions. Even my other friends were pressured into not hanging out with me, because I was "strange." I told them that they didn't have to be around me, but they continued to talk to me.

In high school, I found myself in what seemed like a whole new world. There were several new people there and several new cliques. I ended up mostly avoiding my old friends and finding new ones. Puberty was not fun. Mostly because I was a late bloomer and I didn't start getting tall until I was in my Junior year. I ran into a bit of trouble in my Sophomore year, but I probably shouldn't talk about that.

I joined the Upward Bound program at the insistence of my best friend of the time, at the end of my Sophomore year. This led to some of my most cherished memories and some of my roughest times, emotionally. I lost my religion somewhere around this time, and never found it again, something that I am proud of. I was hit by the hormone train, hard. I fell in and out of love during the summers of those years very quickly, usually with the same person! I had a couple of relationships with girls that didn't last very long and a fling that, while nice, was not in the least satisfying to me. I'd find out why later.

After graduation, I had intentions of becoming a teacher, but due to my own fault, I didn't enter college afterward. I instead planned to skip a semester or two and find myself. After this, I started having misgivings about teaching altogether as part of my image problem. It wasn't until much later that my interest would be renewed.

By the time I met my now best friend, I started noticing my attraction to other boys. For the longest while, I thought I was bi, but I kept my thoughts to myself until after graduation. After that, I found out pretty soon that I wasn't. I had no attraction to girls at all. I came out to myself fairly easily, and things happened rather quickly from there.

I had my first boyfriend early that next year. I knew him somewhat from high-school, and our mutual interest in video-games really allowed us to hit it off. Because of him, I had new interest in actually getting into college, learning how to drive (still don't), and getting a job (also don't.) Shortly before I enrolled at school, he broke up with me. I was blindsided. For months afterward, I was depressed. My friends tried to help, but couldn't soothe my sadness. I contemplated suicide for quite awhile.

Nihilism was my new philosophy and I wished for nothing less than complete cessation of existence. If I couldn't have that, I felt that I could easily end my own life and not have to worry about anything ever again. It didn't help that my loan for school was revoked and that I was dropped from my classes at this time. It was the darkest part of my life and I filled it with thoughts of suicide and drinking.

I started being online pretty much all of the time at this point. Eventually, I found a community that I actually wished to participate in. Having a community helped me in many ways, but I was still empty inside.

Eventually, I had renewed interest in doing something that made me happy, and that was learning more about history so I could become a future teacher. I've enrolled at Walter's State Community College for this fall, and I hope that everything goes well.

I left out several parts of my story, but I thought it was already too long anyway, so I'll spare further details for later posts. Typing all of this out and seeing it on screen makes me realize how young I still am, and that there is time for me to do the things I want to do with my life. Let's see how it goes, eh?

Edit #1: Also note, that these events are all from my point of view. Others may have different opinions of said events, but this is my abridged life as I remember it.